These past few weeks have been tough…like really tough. Several things amassed around me, spawning a kind of unholy vortex that simply wore me down. I wasn’t angry or frustrated with any particular person, but with life which is why I haven’t been writing. In my mind, all the events of recent history seemed to line up, taking turns at striking me down. Finally, the events of today drove me to the point where I was so full of this junk, I felt I had to set everything aside and go running…an odd way for me to process and relieve stress because I abhor running. So for me to purposefully set out to do just that…wow. I rest my case.
I began jogging around the track not caring how far or how fast I was running, percolating on all the proverbial sludge in and around my heart. As I did, I sensed the confluence of these last few weeks gain momentum in me and from it, I felt a raging storm swirling around me with jagged lightning bolts of anger, resounding claps of thunder echoing unspoken frustration and powerful winds poised to tear down whatever of me I tried to hold onto. As the venom in my heart swelled, I called out to God using silent words laced with pride, selfishness and faithlessness…I couldn’t hold everything in any longer.
And then it happened. The maelstrom that I had allowed to overpower and subsequently define me these past few weeks was abruptly impacted. The reverberation of that impact was mentally and emotionally jarring as I continued now running around the track. When the spiritual and emotional noise cleared, I found this power that spiritually stopped me in my tracks was nothing more than a still, small voice…a voice that calmly said, “Be still”.
What?
I figured the God of the Universe would have fought the intensity of my misguided rage with an equally voracious holy anger or with raw power that would have undeniably humbled and shamed me for daring to feel what I was feeling…because that is what I would have done if I were God. Thankfully though, I’m not the Almighty…
Concentrating on His words, I found that my anger fled, my disappointment vaporized and I felt both my heart and my countenance begin to change.
All the things that I tried so hard to control before now had finally lost control of me.
And so I walked…breathing hard, dripping with sweat and enduring cramps in my legs, but I still walked. Even though I hurt on the outside, the authority and simplicity of God’s words had repaired and restored me from the inside out…with just two words.
I hope not to let myself get to a place like that again as I’m reminded there is nothing in life that my worry, concern or consternation can actually impact. It’s all going to be ok…the same God that healed me by speaking both against and for me in the span of two words forever carries me in His Hand.
For those of you stuck in that same storm…it doesn’t have to be that way. Keep your chin up, your eyes on Him and be still.
Landon <><
